I'm a ref too!

I like things in their place and I’m a big fan of people knowing their role and place.

Here’s how it’s supposed to work at a football game.

The Players play the football game,


the Fans watch from the stands,


and the Referees officiate and make calls.


Believe it or not, it actually works pretty well if you break down the roles like that.

It doesn’t really work very well if you try to mix the roles and people around.

After a football play we often see a player get confused and try to be the official. They face the crowd and make the hand and arm signal for what they say the call is.

First Down!


Safety!


Touchdown!



Sometimes when a player sees a penalty, they actually try to throw a nonexistent flag.

“Um....Hi...It would be a serious conflict of interest for you to play and officiate at the same time, so why don’t you just run and catch the ball, and let the Referees decide if it was actually a cut-block. Kay?”

Sometimes the Fans pretend that they are players too, when they run out onto the field and lose their minds.



Imagine how goofy it would be if the Refs picked up the ball and started sprinting around, cuttin’ and jukin’, and throwing touchdown passes to each other.

They could say “What? What? I thought that you were officiating and I was playing. That’s not how were doing it? Oh. OK. Well, just let me know, either way.”

The Instigator

When I was growing up, adults would always tell me not to succumb to peer pressure. They said that someone would always be trying to get me to do something, and that I didn’t have to do it. Don’t smoke, don’t drink, don’t push people down stairs. As I grew up, I didn’t really do anything bad that I didn’t want to do. If I ever did some deviant behavior, it was because I wanted to, and not because I felt someone else wanted me to. It was really odd. I didn’t really feel much pressure to do anything. I realized much later in life that it was because I was the one applying the pressure. Here’s a little bit of tom-foolery that I instigated.

Happy Ashura

It’s that time of year again. Put on Prince’s "1999", bust out the chem-lights, and let your hair down, cause it’s going to be one heck of a party.

Hanoi Jane

I've been told that liberals like to feel guilty. Feel guilty about this.

They're doing it again.

But don't question their patriotism.

OMG Hundreds Killed!

Here’s the quick thesis, about the Iraqi Campaign. Or any campaign. Or actually any conflict, anywhere. I know it may seem like I’m being Sgt. Obvious again, but it needs to be said. Behavior exhibited by the enemy, reflects on the enemy. Behavior exhibited by US troops, reflects on America. Every terrorist attack committed by the enemy shows what kind of character they have. Every time they mutilate a body, or mortar a school, or commit a massacre, it should prove, once again their nature. Don’t try do spin articles to claim that America really did it.

Remember when terrorists destroyed the Golden Mosque in Samarra? The claim in parts of the Muslim world was that Americans did it. When they were caught lying, they claimed “Well, America really did it, because they are the ‘root cause’.” Their logic is as follows: Samarra is proof of how noble terrorists are, and how evil Americans are. The US literally made them do it.

It’s like a child smashing something, and yelling “Look what you made me do!”

Here’s how it works with adults. I’m accountable for what I do. You’re accountable for what you do. The guy over there is accountable for what he does. That’s a good starting point.



Today US and Iraqi forces got to mix it up pretty good. They got some hookin’ and a jabbin’ to the tune of 250-300 ali babas. This story didn’t get suppressed either, which is kind of nice. It’s pretty much front page news on most of the news websites. It was even carried by Al-Jazzera. They are so openly pro-terrorist that it had to drive the editors of Al-Jazzera crazy to have to print that, but they twisted the words and imbedded a separate picture that it made it seem as though US forces were massacring non-combatants. The headline even vaguely makes it sound like it may have been hundreds of Marines or civilians. ..HUNDREDS KILLED They included a picture of the aftermath of terrorists murdering 5 girls by mortaring a school, to make it seem as though we actually did it.

The link is here



But just in case they change it, I have a screenshot.




It's common for news outlets to commit libel against Servicemen.
It’s not the first time they’ve done it.

Check out this headline.

MORTAR KILLS BAGHDAD SCHOOLGIRLS

Those wacky mortars. Going off all by themselves. George Bush probably dropped them in the tubes. Either directly or indirectly.

At no point in this article do they mention the word terrorist, except for the TUOQ. If you didn't read carefully, you might even come away with the impression that US troops targeted and murdered these little girls.

This news outlet might as well be saying. "If you're a terrorist, feel free to commit murders. We'll just tell the world that the US did it. Forget the truth." If I believed in "root causes" I might have to look more closely at this.

Super Bowl Podcast

Brandodojo Superbowl Podcast

I keep knowing it.

Why was this story suppressed?

I knew it, again.

During my deployment and afterwards I got lots of support from tons of folks that I didn’t even know. Little kids writing letters and making Christmas cards, easy mac, zebra cakes, ballistic goggles, DVDs, etc. Someone even sent one of my Marines a gameboy. My wife’s work sent my whole squad Christmas stockings full of goodies, which I thought was pretty cool.

Afterwards I went to speak to a number of schools, and I felt I had a good story to tell. Most people in the Midwest were pretty supportive, with the exception of a few liberals.

Right before I shipped out, I had a week to hang out at home. During that week I mostly went out to eat with my friends, hiking with my wife, and generally enjoyed myself. One night during that week, I was relaxing in a watering hole with some of my old coworkers in Iowa City. Someone asked me how heavy the gear was, which is something I can easily talk about. I’m a firm believer in the concept that the infantry should be light after reading “Soldier’s Load and the Mobility of a Nation” in Infantry Training Battalion (ITB). I started listing the gear we have to carry. Interceptor armour w/ SAPI plates, kevlar helmet, rifle, ammo, NVGs, water, food, etc. When I got to “gas mask and maybe a Saratoga suit”, the liberal at the table laughed and said “You won’t be needing that.”

As you know, sarin nerve agent has been and still is in Iraq. I know that a lot of you would argue that 500 rounds isn’t a “large stockpile”, or that the weapons program wasn’t running enough to constitute a major threat to the US. Those are fine and separate arguments. I don’t think that my central nervous system will care about your liberal arguments when I’m laying on the ground doing the “funky chicken”.

This guy was guaranteeing me, to my face, that there was absolutely no need to bring a gas mask. Actually he was saying more than that. He was saying that the very concept of me taking a gas mask was so completely outlandish and absurd that it made him laugh. “Gas mask in a country that has killed over 10,000 people with WMDs? Hardy-Har-Har! Your silliness makes me laugh!”

OK reader. I’m going to ask you to do something.
Actually try to imagine what it would feel like to seizure yourself to death. The nerve agent hits your lungs and you start twitching and spazing out. Your tendons and ligaments tear. Your eyes bleed, and you vomit red. Then at some point you break something that you really need, and you’re not alive anymore. Don’t think of it as some abstraction. Think of it as you. You Yourself. Think of it as real.

Now imagine that some smug, safe, buffoon that you’re sworn to protect, is laughing directly at you for doing something absurd like bring your issued gas mask, days before you get on a plane for Iraq.

To me, a gas mask is something that could save me from a horrific death. To a liberal, a gas mask is a punch line.

Maybe I should start doing those Foxworthy "You might be a liberal if..." things.

Here's one for the road.


Last week when a Sgt deployed in Iraq tried to order some floor mats from a Wisconsin based mattress company over the internet. This was his e-mail.
"Do you ship to APO (military) addresses? I'm in the 1st Cavalry Division stationed in Iraq and we are trying to order some mats but we are looking for ships to APO first."

On the same day, Hess received this reply:

"SGT Hess,
We do not ship to APO addresses, and even if we did, we would NEVER ship to Iraq. If you were sensible, you and your troops would pull out of Iraq.

Bargain Suppliers
Discount-Mats.com"
link here.

I knew it.
---------------------
update. I guess discount mats have been getting phone calls every 30 seconds.

Aim to Lose

"America loves a winner and will not tolerate a loser." -Gen. Patton

The NFC and AFC championships were tonight, and they were great to watch. Especially that Colts and Patriots game. Wow, what a nail biter. That Peyton Manning sure can get it done when the chips are down. That whole team won a hard fought battle. So now the Superbowl showdown is all set for the Bears and Colts. May the best team win.

But this isn’t just your average football post. It’s a social observation about something I feel is uniquely American. Remember back in the early 90's when the Buffalo Bills were winning left and right. They went to something like 3 Superbowls but couldn’t quite seal the deal. A good chunk of people believed that the Bills sucked, when they were really a powerhouse. The common phrase was “Second place is the first loser.” We even view a tie as a loss. A tie is a horrible “double-loss” that we can’t wrap our minds around.

"If you’re not first, you’re last." -Ricky Bobby


Remember back to the Zidane incident of the World Cup last year. I know that you’ve already read about it ad nauseam, but what I’d like to point out is that France lost the Soccer Championship of the whole dang world, because their best player decided he would rather get thrown out, than win. When people trashtalk, you don’t have to throw away the game. Defeating them is a much better insult. The crazy thing is that he was embraced by France and much of the Muslim world. In their minds, losing and winning is the same thing.

“The best way to tell someone “Fuck You”, is to completely exceed their expectations.” -Paully

Here’s an insightful quote that sheds light on this odd concept.

"[Zidane's] willingness to headbutt Materazzi makes him more of a hero, not less. Admittedly, since France went on to lose, he's something of a tragic hero, but a hero none-the-less. If someone insulted my race, or my religion (if I had one), I wish I'd be as ready to attack them, no matter what the circumstances. Zidane's action highlights for the world the fact that the racial unity of France is more important than winning the World Cup."



The World Cup Champion is Italy. No amount of word-smithing and double-talk is going to change that. I’ve read muslim’s comments that they were proud of Zidane’s behavior and that he represented them well. That astonishes me, but I completely agree.

Ok, so in a couple of weeks, we will watch the Superbowl. It will be super. Let me set up a scenario for you, and see if you can predict the general consensus. The Bears and Colts go toe to toe for the entire game. There are injuries, exiting moments, close calls, and after all the blood, sweat, and tears of the 2006 season, the clock runs out with Chicago and Indianapolis tied, pushing the game into overtime. Peyton briefs his offence for the game winning drive, and settles in for a display of precision and leadership that only he can do. Then he sprints over to the Bears sideline, kicks Lovie Smith in the nuts, is ejected from the game, and the Colts lose.

Would he ever be welcome back in Indy?


Can you imagine Indy fans sitting in a bar talking about the game? “Hey guys, even though Peyton’s behavior directly led to us losing the Superbowl, I’m really proud of that, and I think it really represents me.”

I would hope everyone would look at him like he has a lobster on his head.


If you want to show that you mean business, win the damn game.

Chicken Chesapeake

Last night I made Bucket’s Chicken Chesapeake, and it was darn good. I did substitute spinach, because I couldn’t find any watercress, but other than that, it’s the same recipe. One of the things I noticed when I was making it was that there wasn’t any onions, garlic, or thyme. Those ingredients go in almost every main meal that I put together, but I resisted the urge to tamper with perfection.






I had some left over crab meat, so while the chicken was in the oven, I quickly made some crab cakes. (Has anyone ever seen Wedding Crashers? I think they say “crab cakes”, at least 4 times.)



For my sides I just boiled some wild rice with chicken broth and little butter. I also had some peas with sliced almonds.







Kimbo Slice said that because of the absence of onions or powerful flavors, it let the crab take center stage. With every bite you remember all over again that there’s crab in there. I think that the power is in the sauce. Creamy, contrasting, good. You like how I describe a cream sauce as “creamy”?

Kimbo gave it an A+.


I had bunch of leftover heavy cream, so I put it in the mixer with some powdered sugar, for some homemade whipped cream. I took a homemade chocolate chip cookie, propped it up with a scoop of vanilla ice cream, put in a blob of fresh whipped cream, and sprinkled the top with unsweetened chocolate and powdered sugar. The Mrs said that she was full, and that she didn’t want any dessert, but I put it in front of her anyway. I guess she wasn’t as full as she thought she was, cause she ate all that too.



Then we went for a walk around the neighborhood in the winter snow so we could discuss the state of the universe. Not too bad of an evening for the record books.

Three Hundie

Frank Miller has made a movie about the second greatest warriors to ever set foot on my earth.

300

Words still have meaning

Here's another podcast for the two people that check this site.

Have a nice listen here. Or you can right click--> Save link as--> Then listen to it on your portable listening device.



Learn a bit about Pol Pot at wikipedia.
While you're at it, check out Che Guevera too.

It's not just your insane rioting beatnicks saying this stuff. Elected officials too. Remember when Congressman Barney Frank said the George Bush was guilty of "ethnic cleansing" in New Orleans?

"Ethnic Cleansing"?

I'm getting tired of saying it. Hey Indigo, you tell em for me.

Mad Ghosts o' Mahmudiyah

Folks seem to enjoy pics and descriptions from my deployment more than they like to read about what I had for dinner last night and what kind of wine I drank. Here’s a handful for you. Enjoy.

This is a pic of soviet built Iraqi fighter jet. I think it was a Fulcrum. Now it’s a graffiti board for US Servicemen.






This is me a the Mahmudiyah police station. There is an open air market behind me that stretches for about 400 yards. During the busy times it is jam packed with folks. Sort of like a rock concert. We would patrol through there. Talk to folks and see what sort of intel we could get. Apparently some of the so called “resistance” thought it would be a good idea to lay a machine gun down the long axis of the market to murder as may non-combatants as possible. Nice thinking gents.




This was the vehicle that I used the most. The trusty old Van Halen. As you can see it was back in the days when we had few up-armored humvees. We had names for our other vehicles “The Cadillac” (up armoured), “The Pontiac” (3/4 up armoured), Van Halen, Boston, Death Trap, etc.



The Iraqi men treat their women like pack animals. The men stand around like pimps and drink chi while their women slave away. I thought that was pretty messed up, so I thought I’d lead by example. It was actually sort of hard to carry because it was bulky and weird. The ladies thought it was funny that I was doing women's work.




Why they hate us.


Here are some pics of regular folks. The kids were the best part, because they had no agenda. I bet that kids are kids no matter where you are.





This guy needs to eat some weight gainer.



The finest squad to ever walk the earth.



He is a video I saw a couple of days ago. It’s a captured insurgent video. One of the things that hajis tell each other is Americans are weak, soft, and overly reliant on technology. What happens when they actually get into a firefight with Americans, is that the jihadists are astonished to find out that we’re great marksmen and aggressive in battle. They are unpleasantly surprised to learn that actual military training makes you a more effective fighter.

Warning! This video contains unpleasant things. Really unpleasant for Allah’s Finest.



Maybe Jihadists should stick to attacking Red Cross workers. That's more their speed.

The Straight Dope

Hey gang. I guess the consensus is that the BrandoVoice tm sounds like “receiving moral coaching from a self-righteous, pedophile from Hades.” You may be up to four fifths right. Anyway, here’s yet another parable from Brando.



Oddly enough there is quite a bit of grey area surrounding some illegality of some weapons, and I think that would make a good conversation. FAE’s? Some people make an argument that they should be banned, even though they aren’t right now. Non Lethal Riot Control Agents? Under some conditions it’s considered a chemical weapon, most think it’s a good idea. DU tank rounds? It’s neither banned, nor a WMD, but it can be argued that tungsten is almost and strong and kills fewer non-combatants. Here’s a fun rule. No hollow points. Only jacketed rounds. That’s real great for the terrorists that don’t wear body armor. Just some things to think about.

I just thought of one more thing. I underestimated the insanity of some folks. When someone says that there were no WMDs in Iraq, maybe they are saying that the nerve agent Sarin is imaginary.

Like such.

Fool says: “Iraq never had WMDs”
Brando *finds Sarin in Iraq and throws it on random Iraqi.*
Fool says: “OMG, YOU JUST DOUSED THAT GUY WITH A WMD!”
Brando says “It couldn’t possibly have been a WMD, because it was in Iraq. Remember?”



By the fool’s logic, you could even spread Sarin over Paris, and everyone would have to agree that it wasn’t really Sarin, on account that Sarin doesn’t really exist. It would be the equivalent of saying “The tooth fairy flew over Paris.”

Those folks are crazy, I tell you, but they might just get their way.

Just one more thing to remember. There was more media buzz about the US using WP (which isn't banned), than there was about Saddam not destroying his nerve agents. (Which most certianly is banned.) Oh well.

Check out the Headline
UN webpage on the topic.
Conventional Sarin
Wiki

Good Clean Fun

Brando’s first Podcast.

If you’ve read any of my previous posts, you’ve probably figured out that I’m Sergeant Obvious. I like to make solid claims about easily observable things that no rational person would disagree with. But folks usually do. Only to later claim that they didn't.

Anyway, I like to come to agreement points, because that can be later referenced by whatever name we’ve decided. “The Jibbili Effect”, “Put Up or Shut Up”, etc.

Today’s parable will be called “The Elevator Effect”

Time of Transition

My buddy Cory and his lovely wife Mary are on their trek across this great land to start their new home near the ocean of peace. It is a perilous journey, full of danger and discomfort, yet House Scanlan never cringes from danger. It welcomes it. I was only privileged enough to escort them for a small part of their journey, yet I can claim some small honor, and bear witness to their resolve and fortitude carving out a place for themselves in the west.

During my stay in Champaign, I was also one of the select few to see the inner workings of House Woods. I’m proud to report that I was allowed into the inner sanctum and directly observed the Dr. Pepper Shrine. We watched the finest Cinema, including Saw II, and The Descent. Mr. Woods was even civil enough to lend me a magic deck so we could test our magic prowess, and we even watched a bit of the unsurpassed “Firefly” series.

Seriously. Without getting too touchy-feealy, I ‘d like to state that Muncher is both tough and brave. I’m not joking. I’ve done a deployment as an infantry squad leader in the Triangle of Death, and Muncher is fighting a monster that I haven’t even thought of, with more poise than can be expected of a person. He has my respect.

If you have some disposable income and you’d like to feel like you’re contributing to a stronger America in a very direct, pragmatic way, click here. Why spend your money on someone overseas that will end up hating you anyway, when you have people in your own tribe that are running at 100%? Helping your tribe is helping yourself.

I saw the sights of Champaign, including the great Papa Dells, which serves a fantastic deep dish Chicago Style Pizza. Oh, and I would also like to state, that you can put an apartment worth of stuff into 8' of semi trailer if you try hard enough, especially if you continuously quote lines from Jaybles and Rage Cage.