Make an effort to be smart

Did he just say that Soldiers, Sailors, Airmen and Marines that serve in Iraq don't "Make an effort to be smart"?


Did Kerry just call us Terrorists?


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Update: Kerry stands by his words and says that he apologizes to no one. I thought he just flew off the handle and said something he regrets, but he was dead serious. Yikes. This isn't a Jimmy the Greek deal. He means it.

I feel like one of those cavemen on the Geico commercials.

He's saying loud and clear what has been fashionable to say only in private, and thats why I left the service. I love the green machine, but liberals simply aren't fit to protect.

More like Sheeple

This has been bugging me for a few weeks. Most people took a civics or government class in jr. high or high school, so they should know better. Even if the details are a little fuzzy, it isn’t hard to find out the truth.

Just a quick refresher. US Congress has 2 houses. There are 100 senators (2 per state), and substantially more representatives (based on state population). The senators are supposed to be the stabilizing force. The old men. The upper house that’s resistant to the fickle whims of the populace that change like the wind. They have longer terms, and their elections are staggered, so that only one third of the seats can change at once. In Iowa, neither of the seats are part of the election this fall. They’re in ‘08, and ‘10.

When people talk about “getting rid” of all the republican senators this fall, you know exactly what they mean, and it has nothing to do with elections. No matter how much some folks insist to the contrary, only one third of the upper house seats are up for reelection. When news agencies say it, or imply it, it’s even weirder.

At the terrorist propaganda outlet, Al-Jazzera, they had a graphic titled “Up For Grabs”, listing all the seats of the senate and house. First of all, the readership of al-Jazzera is mainly Arab, or at least not of American citizenship. When you say that the US Congress is “Up For Grabs”, to the Arab world, it might give them the wrong idea. A third of the US Senate is “Up For Vote” (not "grabs"), just like it is every 2 years. The article makes it pretty clear who they want to win our elections.

I also noticed the link from their main page is titled “False Promise”. What do they mean by that? Have Democrats promised our enemies something if they get elected? Why would they use the word “Promise”?


I really am reluctant to back a political party, when I only really care about one or two issues. As you probably already know, my main concern is killing terrorists. Most people are so insulated from danger, that they don’t realize (or want to realize), how completely sinister these monsters are. Most folks care more about defeating the opposing political party than defeating terrorists, which is completely absurd. The world is bigger than our petty disagreements. When I talk about terrorists, people accuse me of trying to scare them. Of engaging in “scare tactics”. I don’t want people to be “scared”, I want them to be “stoic”. Understanding that there are people that will settle for nothing less than your death and the death of your family shouldn’t send you to the floor weeping. It should make you set your jaw, and take action to protect you and yours.

Here’s a video that sums it up pretty well. I wish it wasn’t a political ad.


Southpark also had a good sketch about a quarter of the country.

Ween Aught Six

Superchad threw a bash. Here are some pics.







RW showed us how to properly play with dry ice with his science skills.














The best costume of the night was a couple that dressed up as Boomer and the Commander Dude from BSG. The gal was asian too. It's hard to fake the funk on that.

Homestar Halloween

These are getting really obscure. I could only get 4 by name, and a couple of them I had absolutely no idea about.

Heroes

There’s a new show out called “Heroes” that I’ve been missing out on, because it’s on at the same time as Monday Night Football. It’s great. The other day, they played three episodes, back to back. I did miss this Monday’s episode, on account of football, so I’m not quite caught up.

They have an absorber guy (Rogue), a time shifter guy, a mind reader cop, a split personality gal, a druggie prophet, lots of “smokey men”, but best of all they have Paige.

I thought this girl looked like Paige when she was the little kid in Remember The Titans.


I struggled with the idea of putting Paige’s homecoming queen pic up, on account of deviant a-holes running around. But then I just used the ole black line trick to protect her top secret status.

Long live the queen!


Although I really love the whole “indestructible girl” thing, Cory pointed out that she sure does randomly die a lot of times throughout the day. That must be a really dangerous school. She gets her freakin neck snapped on the football field, a stick jammed into her brain, and a huge car wreck. I hope that school has a lot of insurance.

Maybe they should call her “Unlucky Girl”

Good Argument

This first one has a lot going on, on many different levels. Make of it what you will. I have a lot to say about this video, but I'm sure you folks have some observations too.




For some reason I love it when arguments are reduced to this. She does have some good triceps though.



On a personal note, I realized that canola oil is not really a good substitute for vegitable oil. And that when canola oil goes bad, it tastes like taint.

WA WA WEE WA

Borat sure has that whole inappropriate, creepy, and socially backward thing nailed. His movie comes out in about a week. I like you, do you like me?

“Barrrbarda Boosch. Hit isss d’haair on th’ testis satchel.”

Does it seem like Borat is saying more and more completely filthy things? How in the world does he keep a straight face?







He even has a myspace page. That song is now the official song of Kazakhstan! Go see the movie, or he will be execute.

I hav to say that my all time favorite Borat moment is when he's asking if he can take a dump in a urinal. He almost started laughing during that one. My second fave is the fox hunt.




In other news, N. Korea is going bonkers.

Welcome to my world

In my neck of the woods we have abundant wildlife and a robust ecosystem. I can prove it. Here’s some magical yellow substance having itself a heck of a time in my deck.


Here’s a varmint. Actually there were two of them. It was some kind of muskrat/badger/hedgehog. It was sort of big. Wildlife Schmildlife. It’s kind of hard to tell from the pic, so I zoomed in.

There, that’s better. Perfectly clear.


I can't have any dirty creatures intruding my area of operations, so I sprinted out there with a ball bat and a can of raid. Let's just say "Problem solved".


For a celebration, I made some cookies.


I also ate some French Onion Soup.


Oh yeah. You won't believe this. I just watched The Godfather for the first time.

CNN is pro-terrorist

I just saw on CNN's main website a snuff film of an American being murdered by a terrorist. Their stated goal is to undermine the the American public's will to fight.

We're not talking about Al-Jazeera, or some ultra liberal hate site.

CNN

I won't be forgiving that.

For The Emperor

Warhammer 40K used to be a nerdly pursuit of mine. But the models are way too expensive, and the rules got to be really messy with too many add ons. I have to say that for a tabletop game the flavor text, story and theme was perfect. I ended up selling my main army on e-bay, but I still check out the Games Workshop site once in a while to see what they got.

Image from Games Workshop.

There's an old video of Space Marines mixing it up with Orks.


Now there’s a video of Space Marines vs. Necrons.

Thought for the day: "Victory needs no explanation; defeat allows none."

I wouldn't want to be mean.

I really got a kick out of her reasoning.

The Nefarious L.I.B.

I was reading through some of Cory’s old posts, and realized that I haven’t publicly stated one of my core concepts in a way that people believe me. When I said it before, I think that folks believed that I was joking or being snide. I’m dead serious. This is my approach.

Here’s the background. Have you ever spoken with a person that began a conversation with the position that she’s educated, logical, savvy, intelligent, and informed, while you are none of those things? I’m sure you’ve had someone do that to you sometime in your life. It may have came off as an attitude, or perhaps they’ve clearly stated it to you. Bear in mind that I’m not talking about calling an individual stupid after they have clearly shown themselves to be so. I’m talking about saying it right out of the gates. “What I say is informed, while whatever you say is ignorant. Let’s now begin the discussion.” It’s frustrating and unfair, and often that’s just about the time that the speaker starts talking out of their ass on some topic using only a few buzzwords, and having a shallow understanding. The shorthand version is "What I say counts, and what you say doesn't." That's a stellar way to speak to someone you've just met.


This concept is the M.O. for liberals to use in discussions, and they believe it heart and soul. They believe that they are immune to group think, while anyone who disagrees with them is a visceral caveman. I’ve actually tried for years to talk liberals out of starting off like that, but I haven’t gotten very far. I’ve tried stuff like “We’re just two people talking. I respect you and you respect me. Let’s not lie to each other.” I was in class at the ultra-liberal University of Iowa, listening to one of my professors start in with that logic, to a class of about 400, when I thought “Hey, this is a double edged sword.”

Alright, check it out. Bear in mind that I’m not being tongue-in-cheek. I'm dead serious.

Liberals are educated, savvy, clairvoyant, and extremely intelligent. They tell us so all the time! Therefore when they say something that is false, it must be from some sinister intent. Liberals forfeit the option of saying "I didn't understand". Any false or counterproductive statement must stem from a base, nefarious, and completely heinous desire to deceive.

Conservatives, on the other hand, are beneath us and don't understand complex concepts. We need to protect them (and ourselves) from their ignorance. Mostly ourselves. The harm they cause is from stupidity, not ill will.

Here’s a good example. Have you ever heard someone say “You could die while wearing your seatbelt. Seatbelts don’t work!” That’s clearly stupid. We all know that although seatbelts don’t guarantee survival, they drastically increase your percentage chances. Most people we can forgive for being stupid, but never liberals. If a liberal gave you an imperative not to wear your seatbelt, then it would be some sinister attempt to get you killed.

Also take for example, liberals telling us not to wear our Interceptor Armor and SAPI plates because they “don’t work”. The actual goal of a liberal saying this is your demise. Liberals often give clear imperatives like this, that must not be followed.

Also take for example liberals stating that the IRR and the Draft were the same thing. All liberals know that those are not the same thing. How? Because they’re educated. Therefore any false statement, is certainly a lie.

I also use this logic with most unbacked commands. It involves the twin concepts of Accountability and Authority.

Distress

It’s a similar topic that I’ve pointed out before, but with a small twist. The usual discussion style I use is polite leveling. (I don’t know what the real word for it is). The method is something I use with my friends or people I respect, and it works like this. If someone is saying something snarky, or blatantly unreasonable, I say something like “C’mon, seriously, You can’t really mean that. Let’s take a step back, and honestly look at the truth of our claims.” I think that’s a pretty fair way to behave. If someone wants to put the sarcasm and word games on the back burner, then it’s easier to find the truth with plain talk.

The US Coast Guard has a distress flag that you can buy and keep for emergencies. It looks like this.

If someone gets hurt or you have some other emergency, and your radio is down, you can fly this flag as a signal of distress. It's a signal for rescue vessels to come and help you. In a pinch you can also fly your national ensign upside-down. It’s the equivalent of dialing 911, or firing a signal flare.


As you already know, with many anti-American, pro-terrorist groups, it has become popular to fly the flag upside-down as a sign of disrespect. Sometimes they even burn it, as a symbol for the burning of America, or the violent downfall of our country.







San Fran Indy Media


Well, many people want to continue America bashing, while maintaining a facade of being patriotic. You may have seen this already. They like to display a flag upside-down in the universal symbol for “Down With America”, then they proclaim that it’s really patriotic (which is outright false), and say that it means that they are sending out a distress call (Presumably to the UN) because they say we’re in a sinking country.


You and I both know that they intend this to be an insulting, manifestation of their hatred for George Bush, and America in general, however they will insist that they are being patriotic, and that they mean it as a bonafide distress signal.

That’s about the time I say “C’mon, drop your liberal doubletalk. We’re just two people talking. Seriously, you don’t really perceive that you’re sending out an actual distress call?”

I doubt they would be thrilled if you kicked in their door and ran in their house with some paramedics. “What’s the emergency, ma’am?!”

It would be equally absurd to dial 911, talk to a dispatcher, and shout “Send the police immediately, social security funds are being used up by Medicaid! I’m dead serious! Send the police and fire department too!”


When you point out that they’re using some sort of snide, underhanded metaphor, they will dig in their heels, and proudly declare “I’m not disrespecting the flag. It’s actually a distress signal, and the highest form of patriotism. Look it up!”

I think that some liberals really want to be perceived as wanting what's best for America, especially with the election coming up.

Hey fools, guess what. Everyone understands sarcasm. If you sarcastically say that you’re patriotic, then don’t act surprised when people doubt your motives. Just because you’re being sarcastic, it doesn’t hide your intent. Have you ever tried to level with someone that was pathologically sarcastic? They often don’t even know they’re doing it, and that it somehow masks what they’re saying.

As a side note, some people don’t know what the word sarcasm means, although they understand it when they hear it. I’m a big fan of understatement, because I think it’s funnier. People often accuse me of being “sarcastic”, when I rarely am. Sarcasm is when you say the opposite of something that happens. For example, when someone trips and falls on their face, you say “That was really graceful.” In reality you’re saying “That was really clumsy.” It’s not a super secret code. If the person that fell down got pissed at you for calling him clumsy, don’t put on a big show by pretending that you were actually calling him graceful.

Next time you see someone pull that nonsense, you can think to yourself "I mildly disapprove."

Comb the desert

I think that e-mail subject lines are getting weirder. Here are some subject lines that I get a big kick out of:

Don't look back...
negotiable
See how crazy it is out there Brando
Sweet teen takes huge facials after dp kqwupa;
naturalization cleverly
ludicrous desperately
meddlesome shadowy
anesthesia nip
Herbal Pill Increase Sperm
penknife barbarism
I'm working for Brando this week!
perversity crematoria
craggy colonel
i like men
valentine transient
professionalism scandalous
zealous stick-in-the-mud
revelry fluffy
intensive care feudal
screw secular
manhandle fluorescent


OK, now here comes the searches that brought folks to the brandodojo.


nazi gestapo magical
- I don’t know what he was looking for, but I hope he found it here.


dim mok instruction
- I found this one really funny. The shao lin monk “death touch” is supposed to be one of the most zen-like and magical martial arts kills. The thought of learning how to do it by doing a google search makes me chuckle.

pictures of ditty kong
- The only reference I’ve ever heard to a “Ditty Kong” is from Teen Girl Squad.

Speaking of Teen Girl Squad, I’d like to talk about my favorite Homestar Runner character. You might think it’s Strong Bad, or even Bubs, but you’d be wrong. The greatest HSR character of all time is Marshie. The short cartoons have a sort of Ren and Stimpy feel to them. Or Powdered Toast Man. There’s a new Marshie cartoon out this week, and it’s great. The weirdness factor is in full effect.

So what's going down? What's this? NFL, Stephen Colbert, WWE, Jon Stewart, Wikipedia, Patricia Dunn, Halloween Costumes, Monday Night Football, Shakira, Kim Jong-Il, Beyonce Knowles, Tim Allen, Jessica Simpson, USGS, Paris Hilton, Lettuce Recall, Scarlett Johansson, UN Security Council, NASCAR, North Korea Map, Christina Aguilera, Lettuce, Britney Spears, Boss Day, North Korea, The Bachelor, RuneScape, Seventh Heaven, Deal Or No Deal, What About Brian

Sugar Maples and Homecoming

So who’s the coolest kid in the greater Chicagoland? Let me rephrase that. Who’s the coolest kid in the whole darn world?

His name’s Carson, and he’s one year old this month.

Looking good there, li’l buddy.


When he was born, I had a tree planted in an arboretum for Carson. Actually I donated some money, and politely requested a tree be planted for Carson. They put a little plaque with his name on it, by the tree. I went out there recently and as I suspected, the tree is pretty little. The idea is that the tree grows as Carson grows. It’s a cheesy metaphor. Here’s the little twig.


They tell me that it’s a Fall Fiesta Maple, which is a cultivar of the Sugar Maple. It’s noted for it’s good fall colors that include orange, yellow and red; sometimes all on the same tree.

I know it’s a little bit goofy, but that’s how I roll.

On another happy note. I heard this weekend that my sister Paige was Homecoming Queen at her high school. That’s not too shabby and I hope she rules her minions with an iron hand.

You shut your mouth when you’re talking to me.

As you know, I really enjoy it when someone attacks me wrongly, because then I have carte blanche to announce how vile they are, and how wonderful I am by comparison.

I recently had someone tell me this exact quote. “know what "brandodojo" grab a gun and shoot yourself in the mouth and laugh after; trailer trash “

That’s a weird imperative. Dangerous and counterproductive too. I don’t know for sure what this person is all about, but I can certainly guess. There’s also the contradictory idea of committing suicide followed by laughing. Yikes. I don’t think I want to do any of that. Seriously folks, we live in a world with a lot of bad people and we need to keep our eyes open for these undesirables.

Here’s another one. This one is from someone who claims to be French. Get ready for some straight talk.

“I pray to the sweet baby Jesus that your child gets brain cancer. I hope your child lives to suffer for many years. Dear sweet Jesus, I beg you to let this prayer come true Amen”

Truly horrific. Don’t read this as rhetoric. She is literally describing her prayers, and her soul.

I got all these comments from a thread about a bear shot out of a tree with a tranquilizer gun, bounced off a trampoline, then hit the ground. I guess the idea was to use the trampoline to break the fall. It would have been better if the bear would have bounced more times, but he only bounced once. You can watch the video here.




So here is the debate. Many people are shrieking that using a trampoline was stupid because it made the bear go just as high, or higher. It’s hard to tell from the video, because they use different camera angles, but I would estimate the bounce to be about one third the original height.
At any rate, maybe you physics bubbas can help me out on this. I really can’t imagine how the bear would bounce higher. Isn’t energy lost? Is energy actually created?



Maybe they’re right, and we can put the nuclear/coal debate to rest. Imagine a power plant that has rows and rows of bears bouncing on trampolines! We better get cracking on that.