Geocaching is fun

As you prolly know, a super fun activity is what they call Geocaching. It's sort of like land-nav, but you use a gps receiver, and you're not wearing a uniform, and you're not being timed, and you don't eat MRE's. So it's basically about 1000% more fun. People hide a logbook in a waterproof container, somewhere in the woods, and all you get are the grid coordinates. You find the spot, sign the logbook, and take/leave whatever small trinket if there is room. It's sort of like hiking with a purpose. I was really turned on by it because it reminded me of Ultima 6, when you just search a random tree SW of Yew, and find a bag of reagents. How cool is that? All right, It's not that cool, but it's pretty fun. I like to drag my wife along, but sometimes I drag my friends along with me too. Here's Cullen pretending to have a great time.



Cory and Mary also took my out to a darn cool place called Allerton Park. We found some caches. I think they had a good time. For real though, when you go visit the Scanlan Gang, demand that they take you to the Foo Dogs. Then demand they take you to the local burger house.

























Buster Peltgrande even took some time off from saving lives to go find some treasures hidden deep in the pines.


Prolly the best one I've ever done was one called Jesus' Tomb. It was up in Chippewa Falls. It was a good 20 min walk onto some land that I wasn't sure was public. There's a big reservoir up there, and a lot of old tunnels in the washout area. The walk is pretty much an ankle twister, because of all the rocks and pools, and there are some pretty good bushes/weeds that push you in directions you don't want to go. When we got to the entrance of the tunnel, there is a chain link fence built into the concrete covering the opening. But someone had snipped some links, and bent back the fence. You go into an abandoned (I hope) washout tunnel that empties into the river and about 30 yards inside, there is a plastic jug with a log book inside.



We felt so good about our adventure that we swung by the Leiney Lodge and enjoyed a couple of cold ones because we were a couple of rough and tumble dudes that don't take no guff. (big bear) Jake just happened to be there. Yes. THE Jake. He gave a little class on how to drink beer. (Like I need that) And I bought a paddle for him to sign. He signed it "Brandon, To a Leine's Fan and Man!"



Which I take to mean that I'm both a Leine's Fan AND a Leine's Man. I'd like to think that instead of just him saying that I'm a "man". "Hi, You're Brando. Well, You're a male human." I'm making fun a bit, but I understand that signing things has to be tough. But not as tough as working 90 hours a week in a factory.

I got off topic a bit. This is about Geocaching, and I think you should do it too. It's great way to spend your Saturday morning with that special someone. There used to be something like this called Letterboxing. You're supposed to get a stamper and inkpad, and when you find a cache it has a unique stamper in it. You stamp your book with the cache stamp, and you stamp the cache book with your stamp. Anyway, there's no need to keep a logbook anymore, because you record it online. I also went with the Great Philosopher and Deep Thinker Val. The real deal is that his better half is a quite a bit better at finding caches. I'm still waiting on Marcus to take me out to Eden Valley so I can navigate the dangerous terrain.

Pappy You're My Hero

So here’s who this guy is. He’s an absolute stud. He flew Corsair’s against the Japanese. Pappy ate his steaks six inches thick…and he picked his teeth with a swagger stick. Old Man Pappy was a horse Marine…He was born wearing green. OK, you get the idea. A Marine Corps Ace of WWII He’s such a son of the America and an icon of warrior spirit, that they made a movie about him. Back in the day, hero movies were not about fictional templates (Arnold, etc), they were modeled after actual heroes.



He was in the Flying Tigers of China, and the famous Black Sheep Squadron. Maybe you’ve heard of those. He tied the American record of 26 planes and he was the leader of an extremely successful unit, making him arguably America’s top Ace. He got shot down on the day he got his 26th, and spent a year and a half in a Japanese POW camp, and was posthumously(cause they thought he was dead) awarded the Medal of Honor. Then after the Japanese were defeated, he was discovered to be alive, then awarded the Medal of Honor in person. It was awarded by Roosevelt, but presented by Truman, for obvious reasons. For those that don’t know, the MoH is the highest military honor. To put it in perspective, there are about 300million Americans, and only 117 living recipients. So, it’s sort of rare and a big deal. On a side note, there are more people lying about having the Medal of Honor, than there are actual recipients.


Citation:
For extraordinary heroism and valiant devotion to duty as commanding officer of
Marine Fighting Squadron 214 in action against enemy Japanese forces in the Central Solomons area from 12 September 1943 to 3 January 1944. Consistently outnumbered throughout successive hazardous flights over heavily defended hostile territory, Maj. Boyington struck at the enemy with daring and courageous persistence, leading his squadron into combat with devastating results to Japanese shipping, shore installations, and aerial forces. Resolute in his efforts to inflict crippling damage on the enemy, Major Boyington led a formation of 24 fighters over Kahili on 17 October and, persistently circling the airdrome where 60 hostile aircraft were grounded, boldly challenged the Japanese to send up planes. Under his brilliant command, our fighters shot down 20 enemy craft in the ensuing action without the loss of a single ship. A superb airman and determined fighter against overwhelming odds, Major Boyington personally destroyed 26 of the many Japanese planes shot down by his squadron and, by his forceful leadership, developed the combat readiness in his command which was a distinctive factor in the Allied aerial achievements in this vitally strategic area.

He was also awarded the Navy Cross. That’s the second highest award. That’s a big deal too.


He is now resting under guard at Arlington Cemetery.


So here’s where it gets interesting.

. In 1930, Boyington entered the University of Washington where he participated in the ROTC and became a member of the Lambda Chi Alpha fraternity. He was a member of the college wrestling and swimming teams, and at one time held the Pacific Northwest Intercollegiate middleweight wrestling title. He graduated in 1934 with a B.S. in aeronautical engineering.

So naturally you’d think that would be a point of extreme pride for the University of Washington. Well, it isn’t. They don’t want him. That’s right.
They. Don’t. Want. Him.

Here's a vid link.
University of Washington

Did I hear that guy say that he wasn't a "celebrated actor"?

The Newest Lieutenant in the Marine Corps

This weekend my buddy Sergeant Bustin magically became Lieutenant Bustin. Yes, he went over to the dark side. In true Marine Corps fashion he took his oath in a bar. It was a pretty sweet bar in Des Moines called The Royal Mile. I was exited to be there because I had just been to Edinburgh this summer, so I sort of knew the theme they were shooting for. The bar just stopped and listened for about 5 minutes while he swore in and his parents did the actual pinning. The butter bars were 4th generation in his family. (Navy, Air Force twice, and now USMC) Sort of like the pips in Starship Troopers. There were about 20 Marines there in blues, so all the old vets were coming up to us all night, and telling us what units they were in and stuff. Everyone was buying us drinks and folks were just kicking down 20s for the bar tab. Some salty old Vietnam vet thanked Bustin for his service, and Bustin said “No, you have it turned around. Thank you.” Then bought the old guy a beer. The guy was in the Corps from ’64 to ’73, and no citizen had ever bought him a beer and thanked him. He was in for 9 years, over 30 years ago, during some pretty knock-down-drag-out days, and not a single person said “Thanks Devil Dog, have a cold one.” Sheech.


We stepped outside, and Lt. Bustin got his first salute, and had to cough up a silver dollar.

Then we went to a nearby bar called The Hessen House. This one has a German theme. It was the same story all over again. Everyone buying drinks, rounds of shots, and a general jovial attitude.


We then went to a third bar called the High Life Lounge, I think. It wasn’t nearly as nice. There were the normal folks there, but a silly girl asked me if I had killed anyone, and I answered with “None of your fucking business”. In retrospect I should have asked her something inappropriately personal, and then demanded for her to describe it in detail. “When did you lose your virginity? Describe it now!” Anyway, she probably thinks that I’ve wronged her. Almost everyone was cool, and the blues paid for the drinks. I think I bought only one all night.


I guess the “Sir”, was fraternizing with enlisted. And it was -1 out. Yeah, that’s cold. One more thing, if you are wondering why I wasn’t in my blues…well… I have what the doctors call a little bit of a weight problem. When they were fitted in boot camp I was skeletal and weighted 165. I now weight a pudgy 220.

Unhealthy Sense of Entitlement

I'll keep it short. An AP article said this.

LINCOLN, Neb. — Someone, somewhere held the only winning ticket for the record $365 million Powerball jackpot, but likely wasn't in a rush to come forward, Nebraska lottery officials said Sunday.

OK, good so far. But then here come the closet socialists.

Whoever it is, U-Stop store clerk Stacey Carey has a message for them.

"If I sold the ticket to 'em I hope they'd share in the winnings — at least, even one-tenth of a percent would suit me just fine," Carey told AP Radio in a telephone interview.

So, $365,000 that you have absolutely no claim to, would "suit you just fine"? What if someone gave you the gift of $200,000? Would that not suit you fine? I've got an even better idea. How 'bout nothing? I could go on a long tirade about this sort of culture destroying silliness, but I would just get bent out of shape. I'll simply say that I disapprove. Maybe later, I'll give this the full attention it needs.

Monkeys Are Great

I like to take a moment to talk about something that’s very near and dear to my heart…Monkeys. First of all, I’m going to refer to all primates as monkeys. I don’t care if it’s a chimp, orangutan or lemur. If you consider yourself a monkey purist, then I guess you’re going to be offended. It’s a sort of huge umbrella category. Sort of how the Japanese are “Chinese”. I just sort of pulled a Jimmy The Greek stunt right there, but I’m not going to edit it.

The things that I love about them are the same normal things everyone else loves about them. I love it when they are doing something that people do, preferably while wearing clothes, and I like monkey violence. Not violence on monkeys, (that would be really sad and terrible) but rather committed BY monkeys. (which is glorious)
I would also like to state that fake monkeys are one of the great evils of the world. I hated Congo, because those were some fake ass monkeys. Gorilla suits upset me. Especially the one at the end of that 80’s movie where a guy gets sodomized on the train. I think it was Spies Like Us. He’s stuck in a gorilla suit, and he’s trapped in the gorilla cage with a male gorilla, that is clearly another dumb, fake suit.
I sort of liked King Kong, because I didn’t perceive it as fake. It was more like a monkey tribute.


My respect for the monkeys started when I was a child and my mother took me to see “Any Which Way But Loose” starring Clint Eastwood and Clyde the Orangutan. The plot was pretty much that Clint would go around and tell Clyde who to punch, and they’d get decked. Simple as that.



Monkeys also have cool points because they get to do stuff first like go into space, and get cloned.

I have some pics and vid links that I think are great. We have bathroom monkey and karate chimp.

But my personal favorite is Monkey Attack! If that doesn’t get you fired up then nothing will. I like how he’s just getting his ass handed to him by a monkey, and his friend just saunters over to him like he has all the time in the world. It’s perfect. The jumping and monkey screaming and mauling? Oh man, pure heaven. I wouldn’t be able to bite as hard as a monkey, but I sure wouldn’t be trying to talk my way out of it, like ole sillypants on the video. I want to go to that island really badly, but with a baseball bat. I still think it would be a tough row to hoe because monkeys are strong.

I once saw some footage of macaques (I think) just ransacking the hell out this place and yanking food out of peoples hands, and stealing video cameras. If anyone finds it please link me.

On a side note, I found this on my C drive when I was looking for pictures. I never wanted to run for office anyway.

While Visions of Sugarplums Danced in Their Heads

Ashura is here! Actually it was about a week ago. As a public service I’m working to inform everyone about this joyous muslim holiday. Here’s how it works. The day of Ashura is marked by Muslims as a whole, but for Shia Muslims it is a major religious festival which commemorates the martyrdom at Tijuana of Henry, a grandson of the Prophet Cowboy Curtis. Henry was a mean and evil man, and therefore celebrated by the shia, by a high spirited game of Tomato Wars. I think they stole the idea from Bunol, Spain. As you can clearly see from the pictures… that’s a lot of tomato juice. While children in America enjoy holidays with opening of presents, searching for egg shaped containers full of chocolate, or waving sparklers and catching fireflys; the muslims take a much different approach. I’ve learned from extensive research that they love drenching their bodies with tomato juice, or in poorer families, red kool-aid.












I wonder if the kids have little ashura calenders so they can do a countdown to the day of fun. "Hey little Billy, only 11 days left until the streets run red with HUMAN BLOOD!"

Widespread Rioting

Over the last week Muslims around the world have been rioting about grievances in their Sci-fi programming. They have a very legitimate concern because many of their favorite programs have been canceled and are not available on syndication. It is not widely known in the west, but according to arab culture it is a grave offence to fail to provide shows airing at 11pm to 3am that feature predictable plot lines, barely clad women, lasers that shoot from forearms, robots that learn to love, and vampires/aliens/ghosts. Although I can certainly understand their outrage at being deprived of "Earth - The Final Conflict", I don't condone their behavior. The following images are just a brief overview of the carnage and inhuman slaughter gripping the masses.







I suggest we get Babylon-5, or Manimal back on the air, otherwise there's no telling what these people will do.

Where's Whyowa?

This Picture has nothing to do with this entry. Cullen made it.

Some time ago, I had the pleasure of being on a drinking binge in Iowa City with a jerk named Paul. We were in the PedMall at about 1:45 watching the goofiness and eating gyros. Paul was wearing his Iowa Crew shirt circa 1994, and talking about how big American girls are compared to their Asian counterparts. Some random blonde gal walks up and this very quick conversation ensues.

Gal: Hey, You’re not a rower.
Paul : What?
Gal: You’re wearing a crew shirt, but you’re not a rower.
Paul: Believe what you want.
Gal: I row at why-owa.
Paul: What’s why-owa?
Gal: I row here.
Paul: Congratulations.
Gal: Get over yourself.
Paul: Eat my ass.

Then the girl just walked away and resumed her post bar hook-up courting ritual. Keep in mind that all this took place in the span of about 5 seconds and the whole conversation was in basically normal speaking tones. I just stood there eating my gyro and it took me a couple of seconds to realize that it was confrontational. Sometimes I’m slow to notice when folks are being adversarial, and that usually ends up with me still talking when they are swinging. Anyway, for the rest of the night I got to listen to Paul say stuff like “Is that just her M.O. to just walk to random folks and declare what they haven’t done?”

After it I pondered it for a bit I came to the conclusion that she was probably trying to start a conversation about rowing as a way of hitting on him, and that most guys would interpret her challenge as spunky and cute. Looks like she picked the wrong guy.

She might as well have said “Hey Paul, I’m a person who has a different set of rules for men and women. I actually want to be held to a lower standard of conduct, and am not accountable for what I say and do….isn’t that cute. Would you like to meet me?”

Let me pose this question. Do you believe that it’s OK to strike a female? I’ll rephrase that. Do you believe that is more wrong to strike a female than it is to strike a man? Here’s a third rephrasing. In a circumstance that you’d consider it OK to strike a man, would a woman in that same circumstance still be OK to hit. Same OK? A little less OK? Not OK at all?..........more ok?

I’m pretty sure I’m not for equality even on the beat-down. I actually believe that Paul has a lot of respect for women; so much respect , in fact, that he will treat them as absolute equals. That’s why he gets so pissed when they do that whole “I’m so silly, I have different rules, treat me like a child” thing. Just for the record, I’ve never seen Paul go JYD on a broad.

I prefer to do the condescending “You’re not fit to fight” thing. You wouldn’t hit a person in a hospital bed, or a toddler, or a retard. So when someone asks me, I just say “No way in the world would I ever strike a female!, and it sounds like I’m being really noble. It’s the best defense, because if someone has a problem with it, they sound as though they are arguing for the striking of women…which I’m not for…because I’m so totally great. (btw, when my wife reads this, I’m done for)

And now for your daily hodji pic.

Sports decide who's best.

HAPPY ASHURA!

I just thought I'd throw that in there for our cultural awareness training.


Ok, so what was the best team in the NFL this year? Guess what? It’s the Steelers. I heard some fools talking on the radio today about how the Steelers weren’t the best team in the NFL. They claimed that the Colts were, and that Indy deserved to win. Deserved? What an odd concept in a culture that loves fierce, honest competition. Stats are great, but the only stat that matters is the score when the clock runs out. If you’re score is higher, then you’re the best. If the Colts were better, then they wouldn’t have lost in the playoffs. Anyone that says a team “deserves” to win, deserves to be kicked in the crotch by Chuck Norris. That could shatter bones.



So this refreshed my mind with the concept of “Real Sports”. It has nothing to do with the concept of hard work, or sweat, or toughness. The winner has to be determined by some actual, observable outcome. Paul and I rowed in college and the winner was easy to determine. If it took you less time to cover a predetermined distance, then you were the best. There are no golden boys in rowing. Faster is better, end of story. You can talk about what you could have done better, or discuss what was done well, but you can’t argue about who is better. If you lost, you shut up and try harder. You suck.

Victory needs no explanation, defeat allows none.

That’s why I’m not a big fan of figure skating. Does it look beautiful? Yes. Does it look hard? Hell yes. Does it look subjective? For schizzle. There are a panel of judges sitting there giving their official opinion on who is the best. That just doesn’t sit right with me. You may be thinking “Hey, Brando….Many sports have referees or umpires. I’ve seen ‘em” If you thought that, you’re right. The difference is that Refs don’t determine the winner; they merely enforce the rules of play. They don’t actually judge the outcome of the competition. (If you watched the Iowa game, you may disagree) My old high school football coach used to say “Good playing will overcome bad officiating.”. Even if you feel that refs can change the tempo of the game, I’m sure you know and understand that they don’t literally decide the games. Synchronized Swimming Judges ACTUALLY choose who is best.

Ok, I just want to be very clear on this. In ice hockey, if the puck goes in the opponent’s net more times then it goes in your net, then you are the best at ice hockey. If not, then you are not the best. You may be the best at something else, like “world’s smallest face”, but just not hockey. No excuses. No jibber-jabber. No pouting.

If you’ve ever watched boxing at the summer Olympics, then you know that Cuba brings the world’s best boxers. Every single time. I think, that’s pretty awesome, because it gives you someone to beat. Plus, I like watching powerhouse teams/athletes. Cuba isn’t a flash in the pan with the boxing thing. They are always good. They may not fare as well in the skiing. I think that China brings some darn good athletes too, but I’m just not sure in what. Without fail, every Olympics some joker complains that China has over a billion people and we have under 300 million. “Woe is me! That’s not fair. I’m a little baby.” News flash! Different countries have different populations. Different climates and sporting heritages too. I don’t think that folks in America say stuff like that too much, because they’d get laughed at pretty quickly for being weak and absurd. If you hear someone say a wishy-washy thing like that this year, just give ‘em a quick eye gouge, then tell them to pull themselves up by the bootstraps.

Good. Now that we’ve established what true American Competitive Virtue is, let me share with you some examples of what it isn’t.

Australian Bureau of Statistics


By using some creative math involving population, an Australian government agency has declared that they are actually 3rd best in the world. I’ve even seen ones that try to factor in GDP somehow into their Olympic medal count. Wheeeee. We are officially excuse makers. I wonder if stores work the same way. “Yeah, I know the price tag on that plasma tv says $7500, but I got up at 6:00 this morning divided by 68 degrees outside, minus my caloric intake of 3500 per day, squared by the hypotenuse of the fact that I really want it, therefore the price is really $3.95.”

I think my favorite part about that site is the quote:
“Media organizations are invited to create links from their own web sites to this page as part of their Olympic coverage.”

Oh, don’t worry. I’m going to create a link to your page as part of my “douchbag” coverage. Thank you for inviting me to show others what you are all about, in your own words.

And the silliness continues!

Tour of France. There’s a cyclist from France named Bernard Hinault, and a Spanish dude named Indurain who are still downplaying Armstrong’s feats.

Just in case you don't know. Lance Armsrtong has name recognition at about 90%. That's on par with Woods and Jordan. He's the best cyclist ever. Armstrong is retired and rides his bike for fun in Texas, and these losers are saying that Armstrong isn’t the best. Being sore losers must be their style.

When I read that article, it seemed like he will be riding against the legend of Armstrong. Folks are going to be saying “How can you feel good about your victory when the greatest cyclist isn’t competing?” It would be like Cuban boxers not showing up to the Olympics. The true competitors would be upset by that, because you want to defeat the best, otherwise it’s a hollow victory. Non competitors are thrilled when the best don’t play anymore.

I maintain that the French are glad to have their race diluted and easier to win. They couldn’t stomach having an "arrogant" American take over their sport. The French newspaper L'Equipe stated "Never to such an extent, probably, has the departure of a champion been welcomed with such widespread relief," the day after Armstrong won his seventh straight Tour win and retired from cycling. I guess if they really wanted to have their way, they could just scrap the race altogether and I can make a blue ribbon out of construction paper for the French champion to wear. Then they can be proud again.

picture time

Yeah, pics are fun to look at. So here is a pic of me and some beer. I'm trying to get it into my profile, but im too dumb.

At the moment this picture was taken, my wallet was inside this pub. It's a good thing that those Brits are honest. The lady came outside and gave it to me, and was really polite about it. Then I got in the car and the Mrs. said "See, That's why we can't have anything nice." This was taken in a small town called "Greenhead".


This is the inside of the Mighty Castle Blenkinsopp. Inside it's a bar and a pretty sweet restaurant. We drove down from Edinburgh just to come here and we really loved it. The UK has a bad name for their food, but I say that's a bunch of nonsense. The food at this place rocked. I had lamb and my wife had duck, and both were top notch. I think the food naysayers come from Creme brulee eating countrys. Cullen Skink was really good too.

Laa-Ti-Daaaah

It's almost time for romance. That's right. The St. Valintino day is upon us. Do you buy yer lady some red, red roses? NO! I buy my wife flowers when the market is prudent for such a purchase, not when the lady types say that I have to. Don't tell me what to buy, society! Do you take your ladyfriend out to a restaurant? NO! Eating joints are packed, the servers are trying to get people in and out, the kitchens are churning out food, and the patrons are a bunch of loud fools that rarely go out in public. (Except on ole Feb 14th) It won't be the magical evening that she's expecting, and she's going to blame you. Then you may get lucky and get blindsided by a drunk driver on your way home. Whheeeee. Fighting mobs of jokers isn't a nice evening. Save your money and go to that same restaurant in March.

Here's what you do. Make a nice dinner at home, with a bottle of bubbly. It will be great, and you can drink all you want, because you're already home. Get out the tablecloth and the candlesticks. It will cost 1/3 the price and be twice as good. Plus she will think that you're a knight, just because a huge caveman like you pulled himself together just enough to cook a meal.

Even if you have some easy recipes, try to cook everything at least once before you do it for real. I'm not talking about a dry run. Actually cook everything, to see how it tastes, and to iron out any problems. It also gives you an idea of the cooking times, so you can juggle stages properly. Also prep as much as you can, so that all that remains is to cook the food. For example, if you make crab cakes, shell the crabmeat and make them into patties the night before. Almost any dessert can be completely pre-made and left in the fridge.


It's important to have 3-5 stages. Like teensy-weensy meals to break up the evening, because you will sort of be up and down the whole night. It's better to have breaks in-between stages, than to have stages run together. You can put out a cheese plate with a few different types of cheeses and some of those thin ass "la-ti-da" crackers. Leave the triskets in the pantry. I like to put out fois-gras too because it's awesome. But it has more calories per ounce than butter, and I don't want the Mrs. reminding me that I'm fat enough. If you want to try it, mix some fois-gras with Grand Mariner (just a little) and orange zest. Then you spread it on crackers and go straight to heaven. And just make sure she has some wine in her glass. They love it if they don't have to charge their own glass. I guess that's just a good rule anytime when you're with your gal. If a lady has to charge her own glass, it sort of makes them look like a lush. The wine and cheese gives you more time to work without neglecting her. Drink normal wine during the night and save the champagne for dessert time. Oh yeah, buy champagne flutes! They don't cost a lot, and it works a whole lot better than toasting your love with your collector smurf glasses.

Here's the general breakdown.
#1. Cheese plate
#2. Crab-cakes (the ones in restaurants have too much bread, and not enough crab. They make 'em lousy so they can cut a profit.) Ours will rule!
#3. Salad and bread - use some tomato wedges and don't use iceberg, because iceberg lettuce sucks. You can even buy a little bag of pre-made salad, and ceaser is always a hit. Don't forget to have a butter knife for the butter, so folks don't jam their personal knife into the community butter. That's just one of my pet peeves.

#4. Main meal- I'm doing "Chicken Tarragon" this year. It's a cream based sauce with mushrooms and other stuff. It's really easy. I think that God made cream and tarragon to go together. Sort of like chocolate and strawberries, or honey and tea. Anyway, whatever your main meal is, just make sure it can stay warm without ruining it. Don't use a delicate fish, or steak that must be a certain temperature.

#5. Dessert- I have no idea what I'm doing this year. One time I made tiramisu and it rocked. But that's way too expensive. One year I made chocolate moouse and put them in balloon glasses in the freezer to set up. I knocked 'em both over and had to clean out the freezer the next day. I may bake a cheesecake this year. Have some decaf coffee and/or tea preped. You can ask beforehand.



Brando's Crab Cakes
2tbs butter
2tbs finely chopped onion
2 red chilies, seeded and minced
2 large eggs
2tbs chopped fresh herbs (basil, tarragon, parsley, and cilantro)
2tbs lemon juice
1 lb. crab meat, carefully picked over and any bits of shell removed.
2/3 cup bread crumbs
Dash hot sauce
Dash salt + pepper
Some olive oil (enough to maintain 1/4" layer in sauté pan)
Cornmeal (enough to lightly coat each crab cake)

Instructions: Melt the butter over med heat, add the onions and chili. Sauté the vegetables for 1-2 minutes, then remove from heat and set aside to cool. Beat the eggs, chopped herbs, and lemon juice. Then mix all the other ingredients together. The idea is that it's mostly crab meat. The eggs and bread crumbs are just to bind it together. Make 'em into 4 large crab cakes. Lightly coat them with cornmeal. After the oil is hot(med-high), carefully add the crab cakes to the pan. Cook till golden brown. It should take about 3-4 minutes per side. Serve immediately, or loosely cover and transfer to a warm oven. Serve with a big dollop of tartar sauce w/ paprika on the serving plate. You can even sprinkle paprika and parsley over the entire serving plate. That looks nice, I guess.

I'd also like to talk about the main meal a bit more. Just stick to the basics. It only has 3 parts. A meat, a starch, a veg. And keep the portions small, so she doesn't feel overwhelmed. A great starch is risotto. Extremely easy because you can cook it the previous day, and warm it in the microwave. It doesn't hurt it a bit. Extremely awesome, because when you take your first bite, you will forget about all of those inferior rice dishes. Risotto is the master race of rice.

Risotto with Porcini Mushrooms and Mascarpone
From Cooking Light

"Mascarpone is a buttery-rich cheese that gives this risotto its luxurious creamy consistency. Porcini mushrooms have a smooth, meaty texture when hydrated; their pungent, woodsy taste gives an extraordinary depth to this dish, wonderfully reminiscent of the original version I tasted in Italy. I chose the shallots for their mild onion flavor." -Kathleen Kanen

1 1/2 cups boiling water
1/2 cup dried porcini mushrooms (about 1/2 ounce)
1 (14-ounce) can less-sodium beef broth
Cooking spray
1 cup uncooked Arborio rice or other short-grain rice
3/4 cup chopped shallots
2 garlic cloves, minced
1/2 cup dry white wine
1/4 cup (2 ounces) grated Parmigiano-Reggiano cheese
1/4 cup (1 ounce) mascarpone cheese
1 tablespoon chopped fresh or 1 teaspoon dried thyme
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper

Combine boiling water and mushrooms; let stand 10 minutes or until soft. Drain through a colander over a bowl. Reserve 1 1/4 cups soaking liquid, and chop mushrooms.

Bring soaking liquid and broth to a simmer in a small saucepan (do not boil). Keep broth mixture warm over low heat.

Heat a large saucepan over medium-high heat. Coat pan with cooking spray. Add rice, shallots, and garlic; sauté 5 minutes. Add wine, and cook until liquid evaporates (about 2 minutes).

Add 1 cup broth mixture to rice mixture; cook over medium heat 5 minutes or until the liquid is nearly absorbed, stirring occasionally. Add remaining broth mixture, 1/2 cup at a time, stirring occasionally until each portion of broth mixture is absorbed before adding the next (about 25 minutes total). Add mushrooms, cheeses, thyme, salt, and pepper; stir gently just until the cheese melts. Serve warm.

Seriously, both the risotto and the crab cakes are top notch.
Have a great V day. From your pal, the Great Brando.

Raise the Roof, Part 2

I don't think that arabs have this whole "Free Press" thing all figured out. But because I'm so helpful, I made this today.


I'm sure that this will be an outrage, to the 3 people reading this post.

I just read this on al-jazzercise english. The headline read "Iraq Sunnis threaten civil disobedience". Is that was they're calling open murder nowadays? Some people have even called Iraq a civil war. Sunnis and Shia are killing each other like gangbusters. That newspaper runs a headline that sunnis are going to start in with some "civil disobedience"? Are you kidding me? I wonder if the editors just laugh their asses off after this stuff is published. Iraqis have no idea whas "civil disobedience" is. When you read about an Iraqi "protest", it's a safe bet that someone died and some stuff got smashed. Also the signs are little more than threats, and I doubt that intelligent discourse can happen in the middle of a riot.

As an skilled and detailed hadji observer, I noticed three major flaws which I've talked about before. I've heard that Iraqis are sort of the armpit of the middle east, so maybe these cultural flaws are confined to Iraq. I bet not.

In short the 3 flaws are
#1. "Jibbili", a really messed up outlook on gift giving. (I could write a long ass post about this alone)
#2. "Rivers of Blood", which is what I call their bad habbit of using threats as a bartering technique. It ties in with the standing close, arm waving, yelling, and staring contests, that they engage in when they have no intention of fighting.
#3. "No cause and effect", complete detachment of ideals and actions. The individual is never accountable for his actions. God made me do it, or the USA made me do it, or the "situation" made me do it. For example, you shouldn't take dumps 30' from where your food is prepared. If you choose to do that, it will cause you to get sick. There's no "Inch Allah" to it.

Anyway, here are some "rivers of blood".

BTW, I forgive this guy. Next time he may learn to be better. Like me.

Raise the Roof!

Terrorism in the hizzy. Yeoch!

When we were in Mahmudiyah, my squad was searching some garages near the road, because the ING were worried about the characters there. It was a cluster of garages where the locals worked on cars and stood around and smoked cigerates. It wasn't a hard hit or anything. We just set up security, and I started talking to all the shop owners and mechanics and such. In one of the garages there was an 8X10 velvet painting of some dude with mascara, and a '50s comic book pose looking off into the distance. Our terp, Loyd Banks, asked me if I knew who that was. I was trying to talk to the mechanic about "koombalah" and "ali-baba", so I abruptly answered "Yeah, That's Ayatollah Khomeini!" Just so we're on the same page, Iraqis aren't real fond of the Ayatollah of Rock'n Rolla, because of the whole '80-'88 timeframe. Lloyd said "Negative". I got a real chuckle out of that one. It's funny when terps pick up your military lingo. The other time I heard him say "Negative" was when someone asked him if he voted for the wahabbi.

Ok, so I noticed that Arabs are really into symbols. They would whack their sandals on pics of saddam, as though it's actually doing anything. Or make a big display about praying during a training exercise, then go to the whore house to bang sluts. Not exactly pragmatic. Not really behaviorists either. They absolutely love a figurative "slap in the face". The more figurative the better. It reminds me of the way a child makes a mud pie, says "That's your face", then steps on it. Meanwhile the adult says "Actually, that's a mud pie. Go wash your feet." I found a picture from palestine, with some symbols.



Ok, what you have here are the American colors, and an Israeli flag with a symbol of Nazi germany on it.

#1. they have invoked Godwin's law, thereby rendering their argument invalid.
#2. I know that some people use a Nazi reference as a quick and easy way to demonize someone they disagree with, without really realizing why Nazi's are a symbol of evil. Just to give you a hint...It has something to do with the Jews.......to the tune of nine to eleven MILLION people. It may be perceived as insensitive to call the victims of the most famous genocide in history a bunch of Nazis.

I betcha they were trying to use symbols as an insult. So apparently it's not that big of a deal.

Well check this out.
Some Danes made this political cartoon which implies that there is a correlation between Islam and terrorism. I know, what a silly idea. And some folks have been getting bent out of shape about it, and it got censored. Seriously, is this really a threat to anyone? Muslims blow themselves up. It's true. Don't censor the truth. The truth will always win. (That's really fun to say.)

Just so were clear.
Jewish/Nazi flag burn = double plus good
Muhammed bomb turban = double plus censored.

A while ago, Borat, was at some MTV awards in Europe and the government of Khazistan announced that they were going to sue him. Yes, that's right. A government is going to sue a comedian for making fun of their country. Sue him in what court? Sue him for what offense? Weird. Those are some thin skinned hadjis. Borat's response is here.